the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
