just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm passing your future prison.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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