Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
