I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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