kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
In America we eat man semen.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
