R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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