Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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