I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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