I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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