Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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