I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
