It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
