yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
