i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
