Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
