I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
