this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
