Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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