Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
