did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
