So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you would pick up someone in the library
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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