I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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