this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
