last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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