I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
