just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
