Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
