you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
