Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
