did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
