Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
actually, I'm a sock model
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i think i have two assholes
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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