i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
