I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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