you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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