I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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