New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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