Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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