i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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