Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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