Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
