Girls should come with a carfax report
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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