I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
