LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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