I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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