NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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