I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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