When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
