he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
