we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
