I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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