well you can't waste a boner
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Boobs speak an international language.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
