I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
