This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
