She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You dont lie about slip and slides
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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