I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
